At the Jerusalem Promenade (Tayelet)

Most of my time in Jerusalem has been spent praying about what God has next for me. On July 2nd, 2018, when I step on the plane to return home to Cincinnati, what am I going to be walking into? What is my next job, or my next calling? Honestly, I’ve spent a lot of my time this year BEFORE moving to Jerusalem praying for this, too. I have no clue and no inkling of an idea what’s next for me, if I’m being sincere. I wish I did. But I am learning that this year in Jerusalem is all about preparing me for what is next. This morning during my quiet time, I journaled the following:

Abba, please show me what’s next for me after this year. I have so many thoughts + ideas + possibilities, but I want to go where You want me to go and do what You want me to do. Even when it’s difficult. You’ve shown me that I am a LEADER and that was who I am created to be. A leader. An intercessor. A fighter for others. And that my words are a powerful way I operate in that. That I am impacting people and being a role model for them even when I don’t know it. And I know I will do that wherever You send me. But Abba, please direct me and show me where. Cali? Ohio? Israel? Somewhere else? Where does my heart collide with my passions and Your will? And where does that intersect with the world’s needs + who You’ve created me to be? Abba, I know this year is about preparing me for what is next. So, what IS next, exactly? I found an Instagram post that says “CALLING is where your talents and burdens collide.” Where are you leading me that my talents and burdens collide? Further, what ARE my burdens? What weighs heavy on my heart? What prophecies have been spoken over me that I know to be true? And how will You fulfill them? Abba, I have a willing spirit. Where You go, I go. Send me. 

Aren’t we all always asking God about what is next? We can never just rest in the waiting, in the in-between. We can never fully embrace, with patience, where God has placed us at this very moment. It’s not wrong at ask God about our future – in fact, He wants us to ask Him about our future. He wants to know we are seeking His will for our life. But there is something to be said about resting in the waiting. About TRUST over CERTAINTY. I talk about how to wait well HERE in a previous blog post (which I just re-read for myself and it really spoke to me all over again!), if you want to read it. We need to learn how to embrace the wait. Because really, it is about increasing our faith during this period – not seeking more answers (I talk about the concept of trust over clarity HERE). I’ve been struggling with this a lot over the past couple of years. I just want God to tell me what to do instead of growing in what He has for me right now. I’m seeking His hands (what He does for me) instead of His face (who He is and His heart for me). 

Help me, Abba. Help me to rest in the in-between, knowing that You are working for those who wait on You. You will give me answers in Your own time. Isaiah 64:4 says: “From ages past no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides you, who works for those who wait for him.” God is working in the wait.

I’ve had the song “My Soul Sings (Just A Little While Longer)” by Cory Asbury on repeat the past week. The words really echo in my heart. There is a line that says:

All I want is just to know Your heart,
So would You keep me here until we’re one?

I spent the morning reflecting on these words. This is my true desire – to know the heart of our Father. This is what I want to focus on this year in Jerusalem and this is the cry of my heart. But then it hit me – this is what God wants, too. He wants to know OUR heart.

Take a minute and image God is speaking these words to you. “All I want to just to know your heart, so would you stay with me until we’re one?” Imagine that. God WANTS to know your heart, too. He wants you to tell Him all about your day, your struggles and failures, your deepest desires and cries. He wants you to be real with Him.

Too often we aren’t real with God. We try to cover up our prayers with fluffy words and try to soun holy when we speak to Him. But God wants our honesty, not our fake words. The number of times I has sworn while praying would shock you. But when I’m angry and hurting, God wants to know and whats our authenticity. If that means I’m angry and I’m swearing while I pray, yelling at God, so be it. I’m not going to try to hide my emotions from God. He knows them already, anyways.

So back to the song. I wrote this in my journal:

Although this song is about us crying out to God, these are God’s words to us, too. He wants to KNOW our heart. He wants to hear our heart and sit there until we are one. He wants us to run to Him. 

And I think this relates to what I was talking about earlier, about calling and resting in the wait. God is working for us while we wait for Him to move. And while we wait, He wants us to share our heart with Him and talk to him about the process. About the growth and the backslides. So let’s not get so caught up in asking what is next that we miss out on this time to pursue His heart and share ours, too. He is working for us and already knows what is next for our lives. We just need to trust that He will tell us in His timing and, meanwhile, live fully in the in-between.

So, Abba, I pray that You will allow us to fully seek Your face and not Your hands. To rest in the uncertainty. And to share our heart with You while we wait.

Keep waiting, friends.